I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
