My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
