at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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