I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
