youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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