I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Also, beer. Big fan.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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