dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
