Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
