we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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