there's paper in my vomit.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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