Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
