Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
