Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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