Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My balls are so social today.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize