a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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