White coat. Heels.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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