Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
