i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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