I want to make a zoo with you.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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