okay pat passed out under dana's car
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
