So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
