Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
