dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
