True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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