I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
