How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Help. Why am I so naked?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
