Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
