Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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