About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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