so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
