i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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