is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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