Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
