Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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