I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
