i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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