I cockslap morals
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
