tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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