Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
