Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
