My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
