I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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