the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
