i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
