she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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