kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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