Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
