No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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