My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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