So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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