i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
