I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
