I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
