Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
