i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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