i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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