if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
