if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
