I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
