Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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