u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
