There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize