Will you blow on my dice?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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