So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize