YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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