Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
