I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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