meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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